Oh my. 14 year olds are like aliens.
Was I like that?
I suspect I was but I also suspect that it all makes sense in a 14 year old brain.
I didn’t sign up for life with a step daughter. Well, I kinda did. I did know about her existence and I did know that she would sail into our lives at some point. But until it actually happens it’s all just an abstract possibility. You know?
I feel a little petty when I get annoyed at the small things. I mean, she lived almost 14 years without a Dad. Do I really have a right to get annoyed that she only can figure out the “ON” part of light switches?
We went out for dinner last night. It was after a rather hectic errand running session and I really, really could have used a glass of red for my frazzled nerves. I didn’t get one though. I hate paying $6 or $7 for a glass when I can get a nice bottle for $14 at the store.
But I really, really wanted one.
Got a ginger ale instead.
I mean, we’re not exactly the Bank of C@nada, you know? But Miss M? She’s orders a smoothie that costs almost as much as a glass of much needed red. Then she orders the most expensive thing on the menu. Steak and Scampi. And then she’s too full to eat the steak! Are you fucking kidding me?
The rest of us had pasta and she orders this and can’t eat it???
I was pretty annoyed. We don’t have a lot of extra money and going out for dinner is a treat. When we go out we try to practice a little moderation.
This happened last time we went out too. She filled up on the big appetizer tray that she asked us to order and share. Then she barely touched her expensive dinner and add-on salad bar.
I’m being petty right? I know it but I’m annoyed.
Any advice on how to deal with a ready made teenager?
12 comments:
babe -
feelings aren't right or wrong
they just................are
give yourself a break.
Um.....are you kidding me??!! You better believe my kids will have a LIMIT when they are old enough to order their own things. And if they don't eat it they most definitely WILL be eating the leftovers until they are gone. I absolutely do NOT think you are being petty but rather she needs to be taught a little bit of frugality. Sorry, don't mean to sound harsh at all, I'm just a little flabbergasted. My dad would have KILLED me for behavior like that.
K -- I have serious trouble giving myself breaks.
Brandy -- Thanks. It's so hard to no to her but we'll be putting limits on her ordering in the future. It's ridiculous isn't it?
I'm with Brandy here. It is just how I was raised. Not that I never ordered something expensive - but I had to eat it. Regardless of cost, if I didn't finish it at the restaurant, I took it home with me for a later meal.
I would feel exactly the same way that you do - especially when you didn't get something you wanted/needed due to cost.
I can also imagine it will be hard to put limits on her (due to the newness of the relationship and her age) but it also may be the perfect time because of the newness. If that makes sense?
My thoughts and heart go out to you.
First - I absolutely love the orange. It's beautiful! :)
Second - Teens, well all kids really, need boundaries. And it's really ok to put limits on what she's allowed to order when you are out. If she's getting an appetizer, then she doesn't need a large meal. And you can put it in terms of calories or healthy eating or the fact that our bodies aren't meant to have so much food at one time. Or you can just say no. And if it doesn't work for her to be ok with the no, then you can just not go out when she's with you until she can be reasonable. Is she going to like it? No. But your job isn't to make the children like you. It's to teach them the basics so that hopefully when they are doing this all on their own, they are responsible adults. And that means being real with them and using teaching moments as we find them.
Hugs to you. Teens are hard even when we know about them from day one. To have one jump into your life in the middle, has got to be difficult.
okay... "mylife" just said everything i was gonna say so i'll just add...
raising stepchildren is never easy. especially when they enter your lives when they're pretty well grown. it's important that you and frenchie are in agreement as to the boundaries and that you present them to her together so you don't get to look like the wicked stepmother. but boundaries are a must for every child.
there's nothing easy about any of this. boundaries are important.... and so is making sure that your husband is backing you on all of this.
i'm sad to say that i'm the mother of a 14 year old daughter and she has lived with me for all 14 years. and we do have boundaries and limits and all that good stuff......and still being around a 14 year old girl is just HARD. period.
so i'm with k, give yourself a break honey
I also vote go easy on yourself AND set some limits. If she leaves the lights on, say "can you remember to turn them off?" Or say that you can either get an appetizer or a bigger meal. I think it doesn't have to be an ISSUE issue until after that, you know? But I also think she sounds totally normal. You know, for a teenager. That said, so do you, for a stepmom (or mom) or a teen! :)
Everyone above me has said everything I was thinking... so, I echo them!! Hang in there Honey :) What they all said is true!
In the course of my life I have been relatively successful in dealing with the female of the species. Even in the failures I have to admit I knew what went wrong (perhaps as it was so often me) but.....
Teenagers should be cryogenically frozen until 21 and then brought slowly back to consciousness to determine if they have worth to society, if no, back in the freezer. If they are allowed to remain under roof one should expect to be drained of nearly all patience, money, privacy, sanity and you can forget about any sense of self importance because it's always ALL ABOUT THEM.
And that's just the normal ones.
I know nothing about teenagers, yet. Good luck. The advise above sounds great.
You do need to cut yourself a break. You have had to deal with adding another person to your family who just kind of appeared out of the blue. It is an adjustment for all of you. She is a teenager and I don't think she has had a lot of limits in life, right? You and Frenchie will have to determine the right way to set boundaries when she is at your house. You are a bigger person than I, I don't think there is anyway I could have been so accepting to let her into my family the way you have. She is a lucky girl to have you in her life, really.
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