I feel like as soon as I catch my breath something else happens to make life interesting.
We've had a bit of a health issue/scare with Chicka over the past week. I won't go into details here but it's had us at the hospital for 2 evenings and a day in the past week.
In the grand scheme of things is pretty minor but it could involve surgery down the road if things don't improve. With the emotional and physical toll that something relatively minor has taken on me, I cannot possibly imagine what it must be like to have a truly sick child.
My kids are crazy and wacky and utterly exhausting but man, am I ever grateful that they're generally healthy.
Something else that added to the chaos that is my life is that I met my stepdaughter over the weekend. I'm happy to report that it went really, really well.
She's cute and sweet and a typical 14 year old girl. She giggles and talks up a storm. There's a few things about her life that worry me but they stem from the total lack of structure, rules and general morals that are inherent in her home.
It's not her fault. I just hope that she takes the right road. Maybe it's because my parents were very strict with me when I was growing up that I worry about the attitude of her mother.
Kids should be encouraged to do the right thing. Ultimately they will choose their own path but isn't a parent's job to point them in the right direction?
I don't ever want to be as strict as my parents were. I don't ever want to shove my head in the sand like they did. I don't want to be naive. But I don't want to endorse reckless and unhealthy behavoir either.
It's a fine, fine line isn't it?
So here's a question: when someone asks how many kids I have do I say 2? 3? 2 + 1?
Life is crazy. Who'd have ever thought I'd be a stepmom?!
10 comments:
I'm happy to hear that it went well! I hope Chicka's health issues clear up.
I guess it could depend on how you view your relationship with your step daughter. You could always say 2 plus a step daughter. If your relationship grows to such that she is like your true daughter then I think it would just be natural to say 3.
That's a thinker.
I agree with RM....if you're not comfortable, say 2 and a also stepdaughter, but hopefully eventually 3 will be natural!
I think the more contact you have with a stepchild, the more you ought to include them in the number. I have a friend whose husband has SHARED CUSTODY and they live in the SAME TOWN and she would still only say they had the children she bore, probably she'd not even add her stepchild at all....that imo is weird and not altogether right.
I say 5 now. My wife has a step daughter less than two years younger than she is and another five years younger. They don't call her mom though.
3 - to include someone in your head will feed more into your heart. My bio-mom said that she still struggles, especially when they find out how old I am in comparison to her - how does a 49 year old say: I have 3 kids, my oldest is 32... without feeling judged or weird, especially when I really do belong to someone else? She got over it and now proudly shouts from the rooftops that she has 3.
Fake it til ya make it ;)
I say one because I have never met my step-son. I don't think there is a right and wrong here.
I think the others make a valid point, if she is going to be a part of your life why not include her? Do what makes YOU comfortable - not what you think you need to say to make others comfortable.
i hope chicka is doing better! health issues with young kids are always so tough because all they know is they feel like crap and they can't see that someday soon they'll most likely feel better. it's all about the now and it's all about them. poor chicka and momma!
as to the question about how many kids... you have to do what feels right for you. "step" has always held such a nasty taste to me so i always referred to my stepsons as my sons when asked. and when folks asked how many kids i had/have, i said 2 biological and 2 by marriage. worked for me.
I hope Chicka is doing ok.
I am glad things went well with meeting your step-daughter. I don't know how I would answer that questions. I think it would depend on who was asking and in what context. I think the more time you spend with her will help you determine the answer you are most comfortable with.
I hope Chicka is doing better soon. And I don't think it's a huge fine line from being strict instead of involved and putting in the boundaries. Children like boundaries. They like to push them, but they like when they get pushed back.
Hope Chicka is ok.
As a "step-mom", I often fail to acknowledge Jake when people ask me how many kids we have. I feel guilty for that, because I do love and care about him, but I haven't yet reached that point where I naturally say I have 3 kids. I do make an effort now that SP and I have our own kids to include him in our family time. He is an important part of our lives but our relationship is different. I think it makes it even weirder that SP isn't even his biological dad.
As said before, do what feels comfortable to you.
I just wanted to let you know that I am moving digs. Please join me! I'd miss you, if you did not.
www.the-rumour-mill.com
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