My surprise baby is ONE.
My little sidekick.
My light.
My love.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
On a Monday morning.
One kidlet at daycare. One napping. Vanilla Latte in hand. Fresh muffins just out of the oven. Considering making soup or some other deliciousness for dinner tonight.
I should go have a shower but Bejeweled Blitz has got me by its evil clutches. Why can't I stop saying "just one more game...."????
I want to go out with my little sidekick today but it's a crappy, rainy day.
Birthday party planned for Jboy this weekend. I need to clean my house, plan the meal, pick up the cake, make up treat bags etc etc etc.
Trying not to think about going back to work in just 2 short weeks.
I should go have a shower but Bejeweled Blitz has got me by its evil clutches. Why can't I stop saying "just one more game...."????
I want to go out with my little sidekick today but it's a crappy, rainy day.
Birthday party planned for Jboy this weekend. I need to clean my house, plan the meal, pick up the cake, make up treat bags etc etc etc.
Trying not to think about going back to work in just 2 short weeks.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
less than 3 weeks
The end is so close that I can smell the early morning commutes and filing cabinets. I can almost taste the office politics and daily grind.
That's right. I'm due back at work in less than 3 weeks. 5 weeks until I see a much needed paycheck.
I don't mind my job. It's not bad as far as jobs go. I don't mind my office mates and boss. It's the finality of it all. The fact that I'll never have another mat leave. All I have to look forward to is vacations from here on in. This is it.
Am I happy with how I spent my year? Yes and no. Of course, now that it's almost over, I'm kicking myself for not having more coffee dates with Jobthingy and The Maven. I don't even remember the last time we had one. I'm regretting not getting outside more. I wish that I hadn't spent as much time on the computer. blah blah blah
I'm going to miss my babies so much. I can barely stand to think about it. As much as they can drive me up a wall, they are the loves of my life.
That's right. I'm due back at work in less than 3 weeks. 5 weeks until I see a much needed paycheck.
I don't mind my job. It's not bad as far as jobs go. I don't mind my office mates and boss. It's the finality of it all. The fact that I'll never have another mat leave. All I have to look forward to is vacations from here on in. This is it.
Am I happy with how I spent my year? Yes and no. Of course, now that it's almost over, I'm kicking myself for not having more coffee dates with Jobthingy and The Maven. I don't even remember the last time we had one. I'm regretting not getting outside more. I wish that I hadn't spent as much time on the computer. blah blah blah
I'm going to miss my babies so much. I can barely stand to think about it. As much as they can drive me up a wall, they are the loves of my life.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Weighing in.
Preface: This post is not a reflection of what Kristin wrote. It's more a reflection of the fray in the comments section and ensuing posts.
I've struggled with my weight my whole life. Even when I was 8,9,10 years old, I always felt fat even though I was so not fat. Even when I had a flatflatflat tummy I felt fat. But where I'm at now takes the cake. For now, I really am fat. It's not just poor body image. It's 2 kids, laziness, and a love of all things fattening that made me this way.
I'm pretty self conscious about it. Meeting new people is enough to give me an anxiety attack as I wonder what they're going to think of me.
My new eating plan is going well. I got the Lose It! app on my iPod and track what I eat on there. It's kinda cool because I feel accountable to something. Plus, I actually keep tabs on calories and fat intake. I've been doing really well since Jan. 4. Then last Sunday Frenchie and I had a date night. We went for a steak dinner (thank you gift cards!) at the Keg and even though I didn't even finish my potato and skipped dessert, I gained a pound and a half. (Oh, I did "pig out" on some Nibs at the movie.)
WTF is up with that??
So here's the thing. I don't know if anyone who reads here has kept up with the whole fitness/weight/bullcrap fiasco that took place on Swistle's blog and also at Kristin's Aqufit blog but I have. It's been interesting and eye opening to see such opposing opinions.
There were many commenters like myself who felt defensive over some definitive statements that were made over health/diet/lifestyle. Likewise, there were many commenters who jumped on the bandwagon and made it clear that they believed there's no excuse for being unhealthy/overweight.
Okay. So here's the thing. I can't argue that being healthy is a choice. We eat what we choose to eat. We can be more active if we choose to be. No time? Get up earlier. Stay up later. Work out on lunch breaks. Whatever. It is possible to find the time.
Where I differ is that there are those of us who can eat under a prescribed caloric intake all week - lose 5 lbs and then go out for a steak dinner sans dessert and gain 1.5 lbs. This does not happen to fatskinny people.
It has been like this my entire life. I gain weight by chewing gum. This is not an excuse but the ugly, fat truth. And when people who don't gain weight the way I do, make such vast sweeping judgments (like so many commenters did), it really burns my ass.
Try walking a mile in my fat jeans and see if you're so opinionated after that.
I've struggled with my weight my whole life. Even when I was 8,9,10 years old, I always felt fat even though I was so not fat. Even when I had a flatflatflat tummy I felt fat. But where I'm at now takes the cake. For now, I really am fat. It's not just poor body image. It's 2 kids, laziness, and a love of all things fattening that made me this way.
I'm pretty self conscious about it. Meeting new people is enough to give me an anxiety attack as I wonder what they're going to think of me.
My new eating plan is going well. I got the Lose It! app on my iPod and track what I eat on there. It's kinda cool because I feel accountable to something. Plus, I actually keep tabs on calories and fat intake. I've been doing really well since Jan. 4. Then last Sunday Frenchie and I had a date night. We went for a steak dinner (thank you gift cards!) at the Keg and even though I didn't even finish my potato and skipped dessert, I gained a pound and a half. (Oh, I did "pig out" on some Nibs at the movie.)
WTF is up with that??
So here's the thing. I don't know if anyone who reads here has kept up with the whole fitness/weight/bullcrap fiasco that took place on Swistle's blog and also at Kristin's Aqufit blog but I have. It's been interesting and eye opening to see such opposing opinions.
There were many commenters like myself who felt defensive over some definitive statements that were made over health/diet/lifestyle. Likewise, there were many commenters who jumped on the bandwagon and made it clear that they believed there's no excuse for being unhealthy/overweight.
Okay. So here's the thing. I can't argue that being healthy is a choice. We eat what we choose to eat. We can be more active if we choose to be. No time? Get up earlier. Stay up later. Work out on lunch breaks. Whatever. It is possible to find the time.
Where I differ is that there are those of us who can eat under a prescribed caloric intake all week - lose 5 lbs and then go out for a steak dinner sans dessert and gain 1.5 lbs. This does not happen to fatskinny people.
It has been like this my entire life. I gain weight by chewing gum. This is not an excuse but the ugly, fat truth. And when people who don't gain weight the way I do, make such vast sweeping judgments (like so many commenters did), it really burns my ass.
Try walking a mile in my fat jeans and see if you're so opinionated after that.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Reality is about to bitchslap me.
Technically I should be heading back to work on Monday after a year off. I'm not though. I haven't even chosen a date of return.
Oh, return is imminent. I have to work. But I'm having such trouble facing it. With Chicka, I knew when I was going back. I had contacted my employer by now and had it all in hand.
There are a couple of reasons for my reticence.
1. I don't really want to work.
2. I will never again be off on maternity leave which has proved tougher to swallow than I thought.
3. My baby NEEDS me.
It's funny, you know. I may have mentioned it here before but I'm finding that Jboy is wholly mine. When Chicka was born she belonged to everyone. She was a very longed for baby. My parents have raised her almost as much as I have. But Jboy? Mine. When he was born, everyone pitched in to help and help they did by taking care of Chicka while I focused on my son.
For him, the sun rises and sets with me. Not so for Chicka. She was much more independent but he's attached to me.
How can I leave him? For hours every day? My heart breaks at the thought but think of it I must. I may be dragging my feet but returning to work in inevitable. Life is about to change.
Oh, return is imminent. I have to work. But I'm having such trouble facing it. With Chicka, I knew when I was going back. I had contacted my employer by now and had it all in hand.
There are a couple of reasons for my reticence.
1. I don't really want to work.
2. I will never again be off on maternity leave which has proved tougher to swallow than I thought.
3. My baby NEEDS me.
It's funny, you know. I may have mentioned it here before but I'm finding that Jboy is wholly mine. When Chicka was born she belonged to everyone. She was a very longed for baby. My parents have raised her almost as much as I have. But Jboy? Mine. When he was born, everyone pitched in to help and help they did by taking care of Chicka while I focused on my son.
For him, the sun rises and sets with me. Not so for Chicka. She was much more independent but he's attached to me.
How can I leave him? For hours every day? My heart breaks at the thought but think of it I must. I may be dragging my feet but returning to work in inevitable. Life is about to change.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
so..... yeah
Midnight, January 1, 2010 started off with a cold.
Well, it also started off with friends and by kissing my husband but the cold is what I may remember because I don't think I've ever had more colds etc than I had in 2009 and if it's the same in 2010 I may have to drown myself in a vat of Benylin.
But anyway. I have been reading all sorts of year-in-review type of posts and would like to do that too except that I don't have the energy to do so. The highlight of my year is pretty plain. I birthed my beautiful baby boy who still has me completely under his spell.
Maybe one reason I'm meh about doing a review post is that I'm so distracted by what the coming year holds. Or rather by something that's absent from the coming year.
Since 2004 I've either been a) trying to get pregnant b) pregnant or c) birthing and mothering an infant.
This year I will not be doing any of those things. What the fuck am I to do with myself? I don't know where to start. Once you're done procreating what types of goals do you set for yourself?
I'm absolutely flummoxed. But I have a glimmering of an idea. Maybe... just maybe... I could make this year about..... ME!
I've already mentioned the whole weight loss thing which shall begin Monday but I also wanted to work on fitness (which may go hand in hand with weightloss for you but doesn't necessarily do so for me) and perhaps most important: my relationship with Frenchie.
Here's to 2010!
Well, it also started off with friends and by kissing my husband but the cold is what I may remember because I don't think I've ever had more colds etc than I had in 2009 and if it's the same in 2010 I may have to drown myself in a vat of Benylin.
But anyway. I have been reading all sorts of year-in-review type of posts and would like to do that too except that I don't have the energy to do so. The highlight of my year is pretty plain. I birthed my beautiful baby boy who still has me completely under his spell.
Maybe one reason I'm meh about doing a review post is that I'm so distracted by what the coming year holds. Or rather by something that's absent from the coming year.
Since 2004 I've either been a) trying to get pregnant b) pregnant or c) birthing and mothering an infant.
This year I will not be doing any of those things. What the fuck am I to do with myself? I don't know where to start. Once you're done procreating what types of goals do you set for yourself?
I'm absolutely flummoxed. But I have a glimmering of an idea. Maybe... just maybe... I could make this year about..... ME!
I've already mentioned the whole weight loss thing which shall begin Monday but I also wanted to work on fitness (which may go hand in hand with weightloss for you but doesn't necessarily do so for me) and perhaps most important: my relationship with Frenchie.
Here's to 2010!
Monday, December 28, 2009
2 weeks gone
I'm disappointed in myself. I think this is the first time I've missed doing a birthday post. Mind you, I rang in 37 by getting outrageously drunk and disorderly. So between praying to the porcelain goddess (when I had the good fortune of making it that far) and nursing my hangover, it's a wonder I did anything that day, never mind blogging about it.
Christmas has come and gone too. Round these parts it was pretty wonderful. My kids had a great time which made me feel all warm and fuzzy. (And that wasn't even the aftereffects of my hangover.) Chicka opened presents with gusto and Jboy busied himself eating the wrapping paper. A good time was had.
As I hugged my babies close and watched Scrooge for the thousandth time with my parents, I gave thanks for my good fortune. It's no small wonder that I couldn't think of a thing I wanted this year for Christmas. My cup runneth over and who needs a new scarf or underwear when you've got two such beautiful kids?
Beautiful kids aside, I wasn't going to turn down the Tassimo coffeemaker that was wrapped up under the tree. What a delight to make lattes in the comfort of my own home. There are no baristas giving me funny looks when I show up for one with my hair askew and my fuzzy slippers on. How cool is that?
Another cool gift? A Wii Fit. At least I thought so until I got to the part when it weighed me. With trepidation I bade Frenchie close his eyes and clicked to the Next Screen. What horrors greeted me there. How did I get this fat??????
So guess what this fat blogging chick will be doing? Making a New Years resolution to lose weight and exercise. You know it's serious when someone who generally doesn't do resolutions is busy making them.
And that about covers it. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas!
Christmas has come and gone too. Round these parts it was pretty wonderful. My kids had a great time which made me feel all warm and fuzzy. (And that wasn't even the aftereffects of my hangover.) Chicka opened presents with gusto and Jboy busied himself eating the wrapping paper. A good time was had.
As I hugged my babies close and watched Scrooge for the thousandth time with my parents, I gave thanks for my good fortune. It's no small wonder that I couldn't think of a thing I wanted this year for Christmas. My cup runneth over and who needs a new scarf or underwear when you've got two such beautiful kids?
Beautiful kids aside, I wasn't going to turn down the Tassimo coffeemaker that was wrapped up under the tree. What a delight to make lattes in the comfort of my own home. There are no baristas giving me funny looks when I show up for one with my hair askew and my fuzzy slippers on. How cool is that?
Another cool gift? A Wii Fit. At least I thought so until I got to the part when it weighed me. With trepidation I bade Frenchie close his eyes and clicked to the Next Screen. What horrors greeted me there. How did I get this fat??????
So guess what this fat blogging chick will be doing? Making a New Years resolution to lose weight and exercise. You know it's serious when someone who generally doesn't do resolutions is busy making them.
And that about covers it. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas!
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